GET NEGATIVE! Part 1: Hippie Happiness

Friends and strangers alike often ask me something along the lines of, "Dude, why are you so miserable all the time?"

My reply: I'm not. I just tend to stay quiet when I'm pleased, when I'm content. No, I'm not stoned. I just don't feel the need to change or express much when things are going well. Even if things weren't going well, what's it to ya? Negative feelings aren't a disorder; they're a part of life. Get over it jackass.

The questioner then retorts with something along the lines of, "You're killing my buzz man. Why stay so straight faced and stolid?"

Aside from the fact that a dog bit off a good portion of my lip when I was five and this is just the way I look? I dunno. I guess I'm no longer desperate to have others verify my own reaction to life. I just enjoy things the way they are when I'm happy. Why force a display for your benefit?

"Well if you are happy, then why did you write about all this serious, miserable crap and publish it on a blog?"

Well I guess I'm not always happy. Ok, confession time: In all honesty, I'm a perpetually negative curmudgeon who thinks you're all too damn happy. Seems to me like you're all trying too damn hard to impress yourself with the ability to be the happiest you can be... all the time. You're a bunch of fucking hippies.

Nowadays, seems to me that happiness and harmony are presented as if they were solid states, as if happiness and harmony are as simple as those objects we buy or develop in order to more easily maintain their associative emotions. I, on the other hand, argue that maintaining a constant state of happiness is not possible as an end in itself.

Seems to me that happiness is an emotion. Emotions are a means of guiding our intuitions and thus our actions. Emotions may also lead us to willfully or mindfully think or act in the first place. But all in all, emotions flow in constant movement, with the movement of your physical and chemical reality, so seeking perpetual happiness will only ensure a constant proximity to useless misery.

"You imply a useful misery. So what is a useful misery? Never heard of that kind of thing."

Misery itself, like any isolated emotion, isn't really useful. But misery can be useful or even outright positive if you decide to feel it, if it is the result of a conscious effort to be miserable.

Plainly stated, anger, anxiety and other negative emotions can serve a purpose. As a matter of fact, they do serve a purpose. They almost certainly must, as you posses them. Whether due to Nature, God, Gaia, Evolution (or however you think you got your full or limited spectrum of emotions), you've got 'em, so they must have a practical application. Anger is no accident folks. Anger, sadness, anxiety; each is an emotion among the many you have, and emotions tend to change in spite of whatever you try to do with them. Emotions are not only normal. They are not only necessary. Here's the profound thought: emotions just are. Deal with them, because otherwise, they deal with you.

Understanding that emotions just are, let them mold you in the moment you feel them. You don't want to stay miserable of course, so do what you need to do to fix the misery. Seems to me that the common mistake is to seek happiness when experiencing misery. Don't try to be happy. Don't even bother trying to meditate or find your happy zen place. Happiness isn't there. Just deal with the misery. Face it, own it, solve it within itself, and in this way, whatever you do with it will be de facto useful.

Negativity as a state of mind can produce a useful bunch of emotions which, ironically, lead to genuine happiness. As we will see in next week's post, this is an empirical fact, but let's maintain the subjective angle for now. For me, the so called negative emotions are a driving force in my life. And although I am an intensely biased curmudgeon, I feel that everyone could benefit from negativity. When I write, I usually am angry. Anger, anxiety, or being full out fed-up with life motivates me, spurns me into action. If that is what motivates you, gives you a little push, why pretend to be otherwise? Try it. What do you have to lose? As life is, it's not like you're going to be happy forever.

If you insist on treating happiness like it's a solid state, go ahead. Drive yourself insane looking for your zen. Go to the Yogi, donate to his dog and pony show, and buy his crap. Allow yourself to assume that you can feel that long-gone moment forever.

Get addicted. Take another hit of modern American euphoria. Eat take out, and live vicariously through fictional people on TV. Spend ungodly amounts on spandex and carry on pretending that you are enriching your soul while you stretch your ankles over your ass. Buy a cup of Starbucks coffee every morning, because now you're too old to be seen physically carrying your security blanket into work. Wake up the next day to start all over again: go to work, complain about it, and come Thursday, hit happy hour like a junkie on a crack piece.

Have a fun weekend to escape the miserable grind. Go spend all kinds of money dining out a places where the meat and the drinks taste like salad. Go to the after party at the latest ultra trendy place where the salad and the drinks taste like meat. Stay perpetually conscious of the fact that the place just opened last week, and memorize the names of the chefs and the owners. Repeat these facts like a mantra. Bookmark the club's website on your iPhone so you can tell yourself (and, more importantly, others) how you spent the weekend that has now slipped through your fingers like all the time you were avoiding being miserable at the job you got in order to afford the same seared ahi they serve at every fucking restaurant in America. Find Monday morning the same as the last. Take a deep breath, grab your Starbucks (or Pete's), and repeat.

Find out that when you come down, when this happiness is gone, you don't really know how to find it without being miserable. If you aren't adept at being miserable, it's pretty hard to be happy again. Especially if Starbucks is closed.

On the other hand, if you find out that you can get yourself going while you're angry, if you find the wonders of negativity, then you won't waste your energy groping for the kind of happiness only money can buy.

Negativity is the best addiction. Like all addictions, it hurts. But when you overcome it: a) The default is happiness. b) You learn how to work through negativity to achieve genuine satisfaction. So work on being a miserable piece of shit, then work on being happy. This is the only way you can work towards enjoying those few fleeting moments of happiness while avoiding perpetual hippiness.

Sure. Anger, melancholia and other negative emotions can make people do stupid, even terrible things to themselves or others. Like a drug, anger can be a bad catalyst for conceiving or acting on harmful ideas. But there's a difference between being negative and being full of hate, between suicidal thoughts and some potent self-loathing. Don't make important decisions when trippin on this stuff. And for fuck's sake, don't extend your negativity indiscriminately to others. That's my job, and I'm getting better at it than anyone I've ever met.

That's why I can get away with writing this crap.

So, to recap, if you need a little jolt to act on a well considered plan, or to act on something that you know makes sense from previous experience, why not get negative? If you can feel that anger building up, if that anxiety works it's way into your mind while your coworker fucks up yet another spreadsheet, don't waste your time getting happy. Get pissed hippies!

Next week is Part 2: Negativity by Numbers.